Dude-O-Nine Tails  

As we prepare the clubhouse for the women to come for a visit, there are numerous things that require our attention. 

In addition to the dirty underwear, the beer bottles, and the empty pizza boxes that need our attention, week 9 has helped us discover other things. 

Things that we couldn’t see because they lay beneath the misty cloud of flies on the floor.

Before we could let the girls in, we had many fears and insecurities to conquer, like that ex-girlfriend who turned psycho. We had to come to grips with the end of an era, put away our trophies and understand we aren’t as young as we once were. 

Forced to realize we just might want the nerdy chick in the glasses, we had to learn to talk to them. How else would they know we were the good kind of asshole. We needed to learn their likes as well as what they want from us.

Like all the women in our lives, they will have tried to jell with us, made us the luckiest man alive, but eventually they will leave us.

We will enjoy them while they are here.Our August Flash Fiction competition has begun and you’ll again have a month to start a 500 word story with “Never one to turn down a dare…” We had a spirited time of it last month and winners were chosen. Be sure to read, tweet, and vote.

Going Once, Going Twice, SOLD to the Winners

 

How hard is it to follow up 3 times a charm? 

Well, we’d be chasing you off with “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady” as our title. I’m sure Lionel Ritchie is a nice guy, but not so sure he’s a Dude, even if he’s singing his songs with just about every country music musician out there.

Then we thought, sports! One, Two, Three Strikes You’re Out? That ain’t workin. The connotation has all of our writers walking away hitless.

Three Blind Mice, though used to mock many a referee squad, isn’t going to be anything other than a backhand to our combatants.

The idea of the winner at auction fits well with our dudes. We’re all winners. Each post is unique and timeless and would look attractive mounted over the mantle.

How so, you say?

Who isn’t thinking of safer curses that could be used in church while keeping a groom calm in his seat? Of course, if you get caught pretend to be British.

How about answers to age old questions such as… can you keep your man card while getting the roto router treatment?

We had a touching tribute to a father’s son and a man telling his father’s story. And a lake house story that will warm your heart.

We looked at videos of Gargantuan hoses and went all juvenile asking the girl behind the counter to help with adult arm bands at Lamb Day.

Who knew that Frosty mug goodness could lead to love of one man and one Instagram.

Theories that expensive cars come without blinkers are debunked while all manner of side effects can be discovered on late night infomercials.

Don’t worry be happy, especially with three photos guaranteed to turn your frown upside down.

Flashier Than You

 

Welcome to Dude Write!

We are thrilled to have you here, whether you are a Writer Dude, a Blogger Dude, a Reader Dude or a Fanatic of good writing. If you’ve stumbled upon us via a link and wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into, our Mission Statement should explain it all.

This special edition, thankfully, we’re not talking about a flasher!

And no, we’re not going to show off our mad synchronized dance moves in a flash mob. 

Flash Fiction or Sudden Fiction is a writing style that is characterized by:

– Brevity – there is no established limit in most circles but shorter than a short story.

– Containing many classic story elements – protagonist, conflict, obstacles, and resolution.

What makes this contest different from Flash Fiction Chronicles or Flash Fiction (.in) or Flash Fiction Online or many others you may ask?

Dudes!

There’s a good chance that some of our writers have written in this style, but many of us have not. Nothing says well-rounded writer like getting out of your comfort zone. (or Keg Party!) As self-proclaimed amateurs, we aren’t going to feel bad competing against each other, right? If we get a few ringers crashing the party, so be it, then we’ll challenge them to hang in the Starting Lineup.

So we have to have some rules.

  1. Gotta start with the line we give you.
  2. No more than 500 words. (we don’t intend to count each and every word, but if we do keep it under 500)
  3. New (you’ll have almost a month to write and post) Original (non-pornographic) Fictional work.
  4. Lastly and in keeping with the mission statement, you gotta be a dude.

Now, judging will be done by popular vote, we’re thinking 1 winner. There will also be the usual editorial review, and our hope is to get a panel of guest judges. Likely 4 Dudes will walk away with a brand new Dude Write Man Card.

Oh Yeah. 

It’s legend…

wait for it…

Dairy! (hope you’re not lactose intolerant)

Stories will be judged on Wow Factor! Judges will be looking for stories that have some of the elements of a classic story. Keep in mind that leaving some things to the imagination of the reader is desirable in this style. The more punch in the less lines the better.

After this initial contest, we’ll decide if the idea is a Flash in the Pan (let the awful groaning commence) so think up some great ideas and post your best entry sometime in July. 

As always our Dude-tra (like a mantra, only better) : 

Read (as many as you can), Tweet (and/or comment on the ones you like), and Vote (for your favorite…that isn’t yours). 

Expose Yourself
to Fiction

These stories will be no longer than 500 words, it should be easy to read them as they post.

Need more help, try starting at Writing World.

Here is this month’s starting sentence. 


“If you’d told (me, him, her, them) two weeks ago that…”

Finals for Five for Fighting

 Welcome to the Dude Write results page for our fifth edition. We are honest here at Dude Write and want to be honest with you our readers and writers. It’s summer and we dudes normally have a lot going on.  We’ve lawns to mow (crops to plant or harvest), we’ve got baseball games to watch, pools to clean, fishing to get done… the days may be longer, but we fill them up.

Summer sludge has set in a bit and we’re looking for some jump start ideas.

As you all know we set out with the modest goal of boosting dude bloggers and encouraging writing by guys in general.  This week we had 28 unique voters.  Surprisingly, we had 14 lone gunmen. (How can they be alone if there are 14 of them?)  Well, what I mean by that is that 14 voters dropped in and voted for a single entry.  That makes us wonder, did they just show allegiance to their favorite blogger / blog and not read the rest?  Or did they only think they had 1 vote?

Long Hot Summer

We’ll make sure on our end that the we let our visitors know that they get three, on your side please let them know that you’d love for them to read at least 1 other blog (let’s start small).  We’d love them to read all of the entries, but week in and week out… that’s a tough call.

As we said, we are looking for your input on making Dude Write better.  Is the Friday-Tuesday too long?  Too short?  Would it be better not to straddle the weekend?  Normally traffic is lower on the weekend, but as a dude, I find it easier to catch up on my reading during the weekend.  Do we want longer to vote?  Tell me what works and what doesn’t, leave a comment down below. Be sure to read other comments and comment on them as well.

Dude Write: What a Value!

 

We are interrupting your regularly scheduled Maidenform commercial (put down the toys) to bring you this infomercial for Dude Write.

Are you tired of reading the same thing over and over? 

Fear not!

Because here at Dude Write, we offer something new each week. 

We know that life is tough, and it feels like a bullfight in which you have to constantly defend your honor. As if dealing with the stress, anxiety, and pain of a possible divorceisn’t enough, you also have to battle flatulence and lazy fat people in an elevator. And if that isn’t enough, you also have to develop new theories about women and not onlyfigure out if vampires existed, but if they existed while Abraham Lincoln was president.

And all of this while trying not to stare at an enormous set of boobs*!

*Not the good kind. 

Don’t you wish you could just forget all of that stress and just shoot fireworks out of your ass? 

Well now you can.

Because at Dude Write, we are writers who are free to write about whatever we want. And quite honestly, reading each entry is kinda like shooting fireworks out of your ass.

But wait! There’s more!!!

If you call within the next ten minutes, you will get a new set of knives, which you can use for whatever you want, whether you want to use them to go after your friend who stole your girlfriend or disgusting online perverts who target the young.

But act now, before time runs out! 

Dude Write 7 was Perfect!

It’s always hard to follow one of those signature Youngman Brown posts, his wrap ups are noteworthy.

With the Olympics and my lack of memory for much of the posts, much of anything, I would be writing for hours and days to get a post with that kind of detail. And how can you follow the Seven Deadly Sins? I could go with 7 being the number of perfection in the Bible, but based on at least one post that wouldn’t play here.Instead, I give you this… which is WAY better than a chunky dude in the Flash costume…


A few updates, we’re doing better on single post voters and your love of your fellow dudes is appreciated. We want to get more readers and have some ideas. We also want to get new writers and this week we added 2 Rookies to the Starting Lineup. We added one last week. We reclaimed a few long lost dudes.

Our Flash Fiction competition closes tonight for July and the voting will open there at midnight. Be sure to read, tweet, and vote. In a week or so, we’ll kick off the August run.

And with that, we shall reveal the results.

Our latest inductee into the Diamond Club is Six Fingered Monkey with his post She Smelled Like Masturbationwhere we learn about Six’s aversion to older women’s use of Ponds.

Six is our FIRST REPEAT Member. 

Congrats, and head on over to the Diamond Club to link up!

This week, our Who Woulda Thought award goes to Kevin…again. His post Your Family is Anorexic took home the prize. He can post another Platinum card to his impressive cabinet. His post on the sticky stick figures on vehicles these days was a shared hatred for all.

And this week’s Gold Man Card goes again to Chris Bird from Change the Topic with his Hmmm, What To Blog About This Week. His second straight Gold card win for a post that from its title appeared on the surface to be punching through writers’ block. Bully’s and Gays and God, Oh My.

EDIT: In late breaking votes, as in someone came to us at the wire and voted, Jeezy Brown shares the Gold for his post Finding Love in Unexpected Places where we discover love in a massage parlor…no not THAT kind of love!

 There are three Chairman’s Choice awards this week. Brandon from LostInIdaho won the Diamond Man Card last week,

Brandon said: “My pick for Chairman’s Award is Brett Minor for his piece, When The Cat’s Away. Boys will be boys, and this is the perfect example. Watching Playboy TV, injuries in the name of fun, and a HUGE chip on my shoulder are all memories I share. I had a brother (no sister) and reading Brett’s post was like going down memory lane… except for the lack of foot scar… oh wait, I do have a scar on my foot, but that was my neighbor Joey’s fault, not my brother. Kudos to Brett, for making it out of his childhood with all ten fingers and all ten toes!”

Your editors also had an opinion this week.

Youngman Brown said: “My Chairman’s Choice Man Card goes to newcomer Jeezy Brown. And not just because we have the same fake last name. His post “Finding Love in Unexpected Places” was both hilarious as well as uplifting. Perhaps one day I shall find the love of my life when I am least expecting it from the unlikeliest of women.”

WilyGuy said “I love that it is so difficult to pick a winner. This week, I’m going with the sophomore effort from Chubby Chatterbox entitled The Dreaded Physical and just about blew a beer out of my nose on “No, but I’m worried it’s the disease that started on Michael Jackson’s penis, spread to his face and turned him white.” When the doctor followed with “Speaking of your penis,” I completely lost it. Congrats Stephen!”

In the category of the “Color Commentator” Man Card, which is awarded to someone who we spotted making a particularly exceptional comment on another dude’s post.

This week’s Man Card goes to Michael Walker for his comment on Simple Dude’s post. The imagery just took me back to my first Falcon. He said, “I remember my first car… a Mustang. Not the cool kind that ran, but a beat up 4-cylinder one that didn’t. I remember pathetically sneaking off to go sit in it and pretend I was driving it to school at the envy of all of my friends. My first running car (you know, one that I could actually drive) was a 1978 Ford Futura, or as I liked to call it, the ‘Lady Killer.'”

 Congratulations to all of the new Man Card winners this week. If you didn’t get yours this week, come back again on Friday and try again!

The True Dude: Dude Write 2 Results

Well, it only took two weeks for it to happen. 

We tried to contain ourselves, but we simplycouldn’t resist…

We talked about farts.

Specifically, terrorist farters in elevators.

It may or may not be out of our systems (yes, pun intended)but we survived, and so did you.

What else did we survive during Dude Write 2?

A lot of things, actually. A lot of freaking awesome things.

We survived Civil War soldiers, led by their clandestineGeneral. We survived falling out of bed and narrowly escaping our untimelydemise at the hands of our fan.  Welearned how to turn annoying things, like spam one-liners, into humorousanecdotes.  And if we were unable to makethem funny, we just sent them to the Wall of Shame.

We spent some time with animals.  When we weren’t visiting the Monkey Rodeo,we were learning how to deal with stubborn cows.  Although, in their defense, the cows weren’tstubborn.  They were merely fantasizing about us.

We spent some time reflecting and changing.  We thought back to the harder times in ourlife, and the moments that changed and defined us.  Like the time that we were young, but stillrose up like the Hulk to erase cultural stereotypes, by overpowering thepeople that were trying to drag us down, both literally and figuratively.  

Or the time we spent with a beloved boss, who was justaiming to live life surrounded by the things he loved, and our struggle to makeit last.

But we are dudes.  Andsometimes all it takes is a beer, a steak, and the beach to invoke a changewithin us.

Dudes are funny creatures like that.

On that note, we learned what, exactly, makes a dude a dude, and we got some rules for life that every dude should follow.  We learned that no matter what wechoose as our daily diet, we are men. And as men, nothing will ever stop us from craving bacon.  We learned that trash-talking and one-upping other dudes is a surefire way to hold us back from being a truedude.  And we also learned that some ofus are unfortunately incapable of being a true dude because we are too shy to hit on girls.

But we’re working on it.

Most importantly, we gave each other advice, like true dudesare supposed to do.

We gave advice on women, who are exactly like cars.  We gave advice on how to deal with swamp ass, which is exactly like swamps.  And we learned the best way to deal withknowledge of our Grandma’s love life, which is exactly like our ownlove lives when we were teenagers.

All of this advice, I am sure, will one day be summed upinto an amazing graduation speech from a normal dude.  But if we are unable to light the path offuture generations with our amazing speeches, we always have the clever and hilarious insights of our offspring to give us hope.

A First Week in the Life of Dude Write : The Results

 When you start a project, it is so hard to determine if you’re delusional or if your perceived need was shared by others. You wonder if the work will be worth the fruit of the labor. You invest heavily of your time and money and emotions.
That’s a long and drawn out way of saying…

Dude Write is a success!

With a week under the belt, we had 29 dudes in the starting lineup, 34 fanatics, 52 followers, 2181 page views, an average of 30 page views (posts on earlier have more page views typically) going to each dude’s post from Dude Write and lastly a total of 208 votes cast.

(no partridges or pear trees at present)

We enjoyed sword fights, illustrated posts, life lessons from dads and wheelbarrows, much potty humor, a tribute to irish funerals, even a post about why someone isn’t ready for the Dude Write challenge (he’s totally up for it)! 

Proper acclaim and thanks should go out to all the participants for bringing some truly entertaining posts. We said dredge up the good stuff and like that first phlegmy cough in the morning…we GOT some chunks of good stuff!

We would be remiss if we didn’t give out some additional thanks:

To all the ladies out there that get us, want to get us, or just enjoy watching us, your tweets of encouragement are appreciated. We are sure to miss a proper shout-out here, but just know that we tried to get every one of you. You understand that this is just a pro-dude thing and not an anti-dudette thing.

Lastly, the fine ladies over at Yeah Write are an inspiration to us in much of what we are trying to accomplish. For a non gender based competition, you should check them out! They kick off Tuesdays at Midnight.

If everything went as expected, the starting lineup should look the same, but three Dudes have risen to the top (possibly only figuratively). As much as we like to compete, we like even more to not lose, so hopefully the person who had the least number of votes is not moved to the bottom and no votes have been revealed because nobody needs to know.

Our inaugural Diamond Club winner is…. The Six Fingered Monkey and his post about New Pussy. And with that goes the pocketful of lint and warm gummy bears along with love and respect of all our Starting Lineup entrants. He can link up in the Diamond Club and he will be given the opportunity to award a Chairman’s Choice next week.

 

 

In the category of not quite kissing your sister, we have…Nest Expressed and his post 10 Dolls to Haunt Your Children’s Dreams where we learned that toymakers are not all Guipetto and Santa Claus.

 

 

Rounding out our top three four is WorkingDan and his post Give Them What They Want that assuredly made most of us curl up in the fetal position. In a bold last minute move, Kevin snuck up for the tie with his post Did You Spray In There?

 

 

So, as your editors, we realized that asking everyone to post their favorite signature piece was going to make judging difficult and not having some offense taken almost impossible. Trying to objectively look at anything with an objective eye is difficult. Who says we gotta be objective? Who says our opinion will last longer than a fart in a windstorm? We just like giving out prizes. 

 

Your mighty editorial staff has spoken and each has picked a favorite to be branded with the hot coal fire of our Chairman’s Choice award. (if you’d like to further decorate with the aforementioned Farts In Windstorms as your native american name, please go ahead)

Youngman Brown said, “Wow! What an amazing group of guys we got in just our first week here at Dude Write! Some of you made me laugh, some made me think, and some almost made me cry (please don’t revoke my Man Card for admitting that). But I think that I have to give my Chairman’s Choice pick to Raymzz over at The Cuban Missive for his piece “Consider My Enthusiasm Curbed.” I was (and still am) just like his son, in that I put small tasks off for weeks at a time. In an attempt to teach his son a lesson, he gets himself into a “sticky” situation, and hilarity ensues. It was written ingeniously, and truly made me laugh out loud, all the way through.”

WilyGuy said, “Tough decisions call for tough guys. I’m not all that tough. I’ve read and re-read, I tried to comment on every post we had entered, not because I’m lame and you need a lame comment to feel good about yourselves… rather because I’m lame and it makes me feel good about myself. In all seriousness, I was unprepared for the level and variety of posts and that I alone (with Youngman) would have to pick from amongst them. It was very close, but I’m going with Dear Harrison – There’s been a change of plans for my Chairman’s Choice pick. Normally, it is difficult to hold my attention through an entire post of that length. His writing was raw and edgy, capturing my interest from the start. Battling the forces of ADHD, the post never let my attention wander and never spoiled the ending.”

Dude Write II : Res Firma Mitescere Nescit

Welcome to Dude Write!

We are thrilled to have you here, whether you are a Writer Dude, a Blogger Dude, a Reader Dude or a Fanatic of good writing. If you’ve stumbled upon us via a link and wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into, our Mission Statement should explain it all.

Click for Zazzle Product

In 1985’s American Flyers, Kevin Costner plays a Sports Physician and Professional Cyclist. In the gym that he works in, the motto is “Res Firma Mitescere Nescit” which means a firm resolve does not know how to weaken or as they said in the movie…

Once you get it up, keep it up!

Right? RIGHT? RIGHT!

So we had a little success last week, big deal. Unless we bring it again this week, we’ll be that one-night stand that was fun, but you’re not introducing to your Mom. We had 29 willing Dude’s join us last week (because if they weren’t willing, they were willing to fake it) and there are at least 4 that should have joined. They know who they are and the hit squads have been firmed up for each of them.

Getting 50 would be awesome. We know Dudes are writing out there, so once word bubbles a little more, we’ll see those guys as well. Gentle encouragement may be necessary, so @DudeWrite will tweet some of them occasionally, and a retweet (or 50) would be great to spur that activity.

We think gaining Followers and Fans will inevitably slow a little the second week, but your posts will keep them entertained. The earlier you get your post listed, the more overall clicks you’re going to get based on the trends we saw.

We’re open to new ideas as this project moves along. An Editors page will be up shortly with a contact form, so be sure to shoot us any ideas that bubble to the top that maybe you are too shy to share in the comments below.

 Dude Write Rules

For a quick guide on linking up, see our How Do I page for instructions. As we haven’t determined the exact schedule for Dude Write, some changes may occur to our rules. See the Dude Write Rules page for everything you need to know.

To Summarize:

Write Original, Quality, Non-commercialized (or Pornographic) posts

First Timers can Post Up an older Signature Piece

Read other Dude’s entries and tweet / comment the ones you like.

Come back Monday night or Tuesday and vote on what you liked.

Shortly after voting ends, a wonderful follow-up post will arrive with our patented (no not really, but they should be) Diamond, Platinum and Gold Man Cards, as well as our Chairman’s Choice which there will be at least 2 of for the week. We are certainly hoping that Six Finger Monkey shares his love.

And Then?

There is no more “and then” if you have questions post ’em to Twitter or contact the editors.

This week

Some of you missed out on putting up your signature piece last week. We’d like to chastise you for not reading fully the instructions, but frankly… we’re dudes! It’s expected. We’re expecting our Dude’s to bring out some newer posts this week, but IF you missed that opportunity last week, take your shot now. We intend to let any dudes whose girlfriend is in Canada (Dude Write Virgins) use a signature piece (pun unintended) for their first entry (still no pun intended).

Dude Write Begins

Welcome to Dude Write!

We are thrilled to have you here, whether you are a Writer Dude, a Blogger Dude, a Reader Dude or a Fanatic of good writing. If you’ve stumbled upon us via a link and wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into, our Mission Statement should explain it all.

Here at Dude Write and unlike the Batman series:

We are planning to begin before we do anything else.

George Clooney will never play a prominent role.

Tragically, Uma Thurman and Halle Berry have not returned our calls, even Michelle Pfeiffer is ignoring us.

Dude Write Rules

For a quick guide on linking up, see our How Do I page for instructions. As we haven’t determined the exact schedule for Dude Write, some changes may occur to our rules. See the Dude Write Rules page for everything you need to know.To Summarize:

Write Original, Quality, Non-commercialized (or Pornographic) posts

Read other Dude’s entries and tweet / comment the ones you like.

Come back Tuesday and vote on what you liked.

Our inaugural Mystery Judge has been picked, so hopefully when voting ends, a wonderful follow-up post will arrive with Gold, Silver and Bronze medals as well as a Mystery Judge pick.

And Then?

There is no more “and then” if you have questions post ’em to Twitter or email the editors.

Just This Once:

  • Content can be dredged from the past, like the Mr. Peabody and Sherman Way-back Machine past.
  • We want your signature piece.
  • We want the piece that you are most proud of or says the most about the style of your writing.
  • If you decide to write something new, that is always acceptable.

 

In the Presence of Legends

We are overwhelmed by all of the blogs that are expected to join the Starting Lineup and give the Dude Write movement some traction. While all of you are valued and we look forward to experiencing new blogs, some of the Dude bloggers that have been around for some time and have many followers have decided to link up with us in a this effort. In jest, they will talk about how awesome they are, but in reality these guys are humble and likeable. 

At the time of this writing, we can expect Simple Dude to be on this Opening Day Lineup and occasionally in the future. If you haven’t read the Simple Dude, you should. One could liken Simple Dude to a tasty beverage at the end of a long day. Always refreshing, not too heavy…something that is just enough and leaves you happy.

Also on board, Greg from Telling Dad will be stopping by from time to time. Telling Dad makes Victor (the Bloggess’s husband) laugh or so she says. Telling Dad is a Saturday morning drive. It isn’t a drive you dread, but one where you just felt like going somewhere. At the end of the drive, you have marveled at the sights and smells all while getting to the exact place you didn’t realize you wanted to go. Oh, and you’re laughing.